Over the years, I’ve learned how to prep for appointments. I have all my questions and symptoms jotted on the Notes app, and reports saved to a specific folder on iCloud. I also bookmark research papers (and sometimes print them out) so I can discuss them.
Yet, when I enter that exam room and sit across from the doctor, my mind goes completely blank. I end up feeling stupid and inarticulate, just nodding along, or stammering for the 4 minutes I’m there.
If you’ve been through medical trauma (being dismissed, having symptoms minimized, feeling rushed, or being treated like you’re “difficult”), your brain learns to approach appointments in fight-or-flight mode.
You might:
Go completely blank when asked direct questions
Feel pressure to have perfect, organized answers
Freeze up and then beat yourself up for “wasting” the appointment
Leave feeling like you didn’t communicate what you needed to
Replay the appointment a thousand times in your mind, where your responses are PERFECT!
Advocating for yourself is exhausting, especially with the short time you get, the physical and emotional discomfort in that situation, and the long gap between visits.
Simple phrases that can buy you time
Therapy taught me that when your nervous system is activated (when you’re in that freeze state), you can actually reset it just enough to think clearly (even if for a moment). You can shift the power dynamic from feeling interrogated to feeling like a collaborator in your own care.
When we’re triggered, that thinking part of our brain (prefrontal cortex) essentially goes offline, leaving us with fight-flight-freeze responses that aren’t helpful in medical settings. Creating space helps it come back online.
Most people do this with deep breaths, affirmations, etc. These mainstream strategies don’t help me when I’m that anxious. So, I had to figure out something that works for me.
Here are some phrases that help me create that space.
“Give me just a second to think about that.”
“I get really anxious in medical settings and my mind just went blank. Can you give me a moment?”
“Can you tell me what you’re seeing in my chart while I gather my thoughts about what I want to discuss?”
“I want to make sure I give you accurate information. Let me gather my thoughts.”
“That’s a good question. I need a moment to organize what I want to tell you.”
“I’m having trouble focusing right now. Can I take a breath and try again?”
“I know I have things to share with you, but I need a moment to remember what they are.”
“That’s a lot of information. Can I ask some questions to make sure I’m following?”
“I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. Can we take this one step at a time?”
“Let me write this down so I don’t forget.” (Then take time to write and think.)
“Can I have a moment to check my symptom diary/notes?”
What to do during your thinking time
Obviously, this doesn’t mean your nervous system reboots immediately. But you can give yourself small tools to help regulate in the moment.
Some people like to take a deep breath and look at their notes. Personally, I play that upbeat song, “Everything is Awesome,” from The Lego Movie in my head while I flip through my symptom list. I know it sounds ridiculous, but something about the cheerful melody helps counteract the medical anxiety.
Then I start with what feels clearest: “Okay, the main thing I wanted to discuss is...” or “Let me start with what’s been bothering me most.”
You might also ask for help organizing. “I have several things to tell you. Should I start with the new symptoms or the medication questions?”
Practice in a low-stakes environment
People have varying opinions about AI, but I’ve found practicing with ChatGPT’s voice mode really helps me build confidence with my responses before I need them in real appointments.
Here’s a prompt you can use:
“I want to practice using phrases that buy me thinking time during medical appointments. Can you roleplay as a doctor asking me questions about my symptoms, and I’ll practice using interrupting phrases like ‘Give me just a second to think about that’ or ‘I want to make sure I give you accurate information, let me gather my thoughts.’ Please be patient when I pause and don’t rush me to respond.”
The AI will ask you medical-style questions, and you can practice your phrases without any real stakes. No judgment, no time pressure, no fear of seeming difficult. Just repetition until these responses feel more natural.
You can even practice the harder scenarios: “Now pretend to be a doctor who seems impatient” or “Ask me rapid-fire questions like some doctors do.” Building that muscle memory in a safe space makes it easier to access these tools when your nervous system is activated.
I hope these strategies help you as much as they’ve helped me. You deserve health care that works at a pace your brain can handle.
What helps you feel more grounded during medical appointments? Share how you cope in the comments.