Goals don't work for me

And they don't have to work for you either

I’ve been around the moon and back on this topic. Some years, I want to set resolutions, achieve something concrete, and have that glorious highlight reel at the end of the year to share. But then there’s the guilt and shame that follow, knowing I’ve never been able to stick to a resolution.

I’ve tried. I really have. But my body and brain don’t follow the “normal” rules of life. My mind spirals into anxiety or depression at random, my body flares up with chronic pain, and I get emotionally stuck in ways that no goal-setting app can fix.

The reality of resolutions

Sometimes, I accept this reality. I tell myself I’m unlearning the idea that if we just do what everyone else is doing, life will magically fall into place. I remind myself that my pace is different, and that’s okay.

But then, I feel terrible anyway.

Because unlearning those patterns is hard. They’ve been baked into us: achieve, succeed, keep up. And I’m not good at unlearning. I try not to pressure myself, but there’s still that nagging voice whispering, “You’re not doing enough. You should have accomplished something by now.”

Here’s the thing: for someone with a body and brain like mine, just making it through the day is an achievement. Thriving for a day feels like bouncing around on the moon!

My track record with goals

Let me tell you about my goal-setting attempts:

• Practice gratitude every day.

• Do yoga daily.

• Eat healthier. No sugar.

• Walk, go to the gym, or do something.

• Write consistently.

• Create art regularly.

Guess how much of that I actually did?

Spoiler: almost none of it.

It’s not because I didn’t want to or wasn’t motivated. It’s because my life doesn’t operate on the kind of stability goals demand. Chronic pain and mental health don’t care about schedules or checklists. And I’m tired of beating myself up for that.

Goals aren’t for everyone

Everywhere you look, someone’s telling you to dream big, set SMART goals, or hustle harder. The narrative is loud and clear: if you’re not working toward something, what are you even doing with your life?

The thing is, goals aren’t for everyone. And they don’t have to be.

• Rigid goals can create overwhelming anxiety, especially for those with chronic conditions.

• Unrealistic expectations often lead to guilt, shame, and inadequacy when life inevitably gets in the way.

• Focusing on external achievements can make you lose sight of your internal needs for rest and self-care.

• A meaningful life doesn't always require checking off goals; sometimes, it's about savoring the present moment.

Reframing the year

Instead of all that pressure, I am giving myself permission to go with the flow. No expectations, no pressure.

I’m focusing on noticing the small, unexpected wins. Things that happen because I made it through the day, not because I set out to “achieve” them. I’ve started writing down every little thing that feels like a win:

• I made the bed.

• I did the dishes.

• I doodled something cute.

• I got out of bed.

At the end of the year, instead of staring at a list of unfulfilled resolutions, I’ll have a list of things I never thought I’d do but did anyway.

Here’s how I’ll do it:

1. Grab a jar with sticky notes, notebook, or notes app. Doesn’t matter what, it just needs to hold your little wins.

2. Notice the small stuff. Survived a tough day? Made someone laugh? Drank enough water? Write it down.

3. No judgment allowed. Wins don’t have to be big. If it felt good or surprising, it counts.

4. Keep adding to it. A few seconds here and there. Don’t overthink it.

By the end of the year, you’ll have a collection of real, tangible proof that you showed up for your life. No pressure, no guilt.

My goal isn't to fill this jar or notebook perfectly. It's simply to remind myself that a year is more than just goals and achievements. I intend to savor the unexpected moments, appreciate the small things, and find joy in the everyday.

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Showing up for life, one breath at a time!
Shruti.