I wrote this a few days ago, and wasn’t sure if I should share it. Just setting it free, because I think at least one of you may relate.
It’s 7:31 AM EST, on the morning of New Year’s Day, and I’m staring at this blank space on Substack. I’m supposed to come up with something, anything witty, relatable, or even just boring. Instead, I’m blank.
When I think of 2025, I feel nothing but terror. It’s not dramatic, edge-of-my-seat terror. It’s the kind that freezes you, leaving you numb and stuck. I don’t know what this year is going to be like, and that’s what scares me.
The past few years have been... a lot. 2020 through 2022? I didn’t think I’d survive. I almost didn’t (if you’ve been following my story, you’d know).
2023 shocked me. I went back to work after four years of believing I never would. I felt like I had a foothold again. My mental health turned 180 and I felt better than I ever did.
2024 flipped the script. I lost a job and then found another. But instead of feeling stable, the interpersonal stuff knocked me sideways. Confidence took a hit. Finances took another major dive. My health declined. I’ve been stuck in my head, in mental shit I can’t seem to claw my way out of.
Now, staring down 2025, I feel... doomed.
And yet, there’s this small, quiet thought in the back of my mind, a reminder, not a reassurance. It’s saying: It’s going to be okay. It always has been.
The thing is, “okay” doesn’t always mean what you want it to. Okay isn’t always good.
Sometimes, “okay” is surviving when you feel like you’re falling apart. Sometimes, it’s finding one moment of calm in a storm that won’t let up.
“Okay” is tricky like that. It doesn’t promise happy endings, just that you’ll get through.
I wish I felt positive. I want to step into the new year with hope, but all I feel is fear. And maybe that’s fine. Maybe terror and dread are part of stepping into the unknown.
Maybe the fact that I’m still here, still staring at this blank space, means that “okay” is already happening.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Okay?
Shruti.
Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. On top of the already alot😔
Feeling ok may not be the same as feeling good but it can be good enough 😘
Hugs to you. Hang in there Shruti. It will be okay.