I struggle to say "NO"

Do I though?

Have you been there? Nodding along to something you don’t want to do, all because saying “yes” feels easier than saying “no.”

Saying “no” is hard. Like, weirdly hard. It shouldn’t be. It’s just one little word. But somehow, it carries the weight of a million unspoken anxieties.

“What if they think I’m selfish?”
“What if I disappoint them?”
“What if they get mad?”

My problem with saying “no” is not just about people pleasing. Not exactly. It’s not just about bending over backward for someone else’s approval or being a doormat. It’s more complicated than that.

When someone asks for something, I don’t think, I need them to like me. It’s more like, I should do this because that’s the kind of person I want to be. The reliable one. The supportive one. The one who doesn’t let people down.

With time, I started accepting that I didn’t know how to say “no.” Or I’m not good at it. Like I’m incapable of saying it.

But my therapist pointed out:

“Every time you say ‘yes’ to them, you’re saying “no” to yourself”

And here’s the kicker: apparently, I can say “no.” I do it all the time, to ME.

• I say “no” to rest because I should finish that thing first.

• I say “no” to joy because there’s always something more “productive” to do.

• I say “no” to my own needs because they feel less urgent, less important than everyone else’s.

Turns out, I’m pretty good at saying “no.” I’ve just been directing it at the wrong person.

So what about me? What about pleasing myself for once?

I wish I had a perfect answer for this, but the truth is, it’s hard. It feels selfish, even though it shouldn’t. It feels uncomfortable, like breaking in new shoes that don’t quite fit yet. But the more I think about it, the more I realize:

Saying “yes” to everyone else at the expense of myself isn’t kindness, it’s avoidance. It’s avoiding the messy, complicated work of valuing myself enough to set boundaries.

What if I started flipping the script?

What if I said “no” to the things that drain me so I could say “yes” to the things that fill me up?

What if I treated myself like someone worth pleasing too?

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What iff-ing here,
Shruti.